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DECEIT: Part Five
***
2150
Trip withdrew into himself after the door closed. It was a terrible, wasteful self-pity, he knew, but he couldn't escape the sense of loss, even as the promise of a space voyage, and a voyage that Archer had dreamed of, buoyed him up.
(...)
"Hey darlin', it's me."
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"Good. We're leaving late next fall some time."
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"Yeah, I'll take care of myself."
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"Listen, Archer just left. He pretty much ended it."
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"Work. Career. ... It matters to him."
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"I don't know. I thought I mattered as much."
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"Yeah. I know whose engine it is."
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You know what I want. He does too.
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"Damn, why are you trying to cheer me up?"
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"Being on the same ship isn't the same."
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"No, I didn't know Craig dumped you. I'm sorry. Want me to come beat him up?"
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"I will. You take care too. Tell Momma hello, when you see her."
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"Bye. Love you, darlin'."
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"I know."
***
2154
Phlox: Back so soon, Commander?
Trip: What do you know about Tabrans?
Phlox: Very little. As I said, they don't share any information about themselves. Other than certain basic data to establish communications and trust. Medical data of a limited nature.
Trip: Physiology?
Phlox: Commander, after what happened with the Vissians....
Trip: I'm not gonna interfere with their culture. I just wondered what they...looked like.
Phlox: Well, I don't have any pictures. Tegl's medical scan showed he is essentially humanoid, like you or me --
Trip: Essentially?
Phlox: Commander, if you are pursuing something with the Tabran, ...
Trip: His name's Tegl. And I'm not pursuing anything. I'll be fine. Thanks, doc.
***
2155
{{ In your third report, you stated that interviews were progressing as planned. In your private files
> You have no right to examine those!
{{ In your private files you record several meetings with Archer and Tucker each month. There is little other work accounted for.
> What happened to my final report?
{{ That is the most damaging evidence of your deceit.
> You...have it?
{{ It was taken from your personal effects, despite your attempts to hide it among the data folders. When it did not correspond to the official report you sent, we initiated the Interrogation. Starfleet will not know of this deception and will believe the report.
> From my data folders... (Trip will still find the copy I left him. Keep the fear on top of everything else and throw a cover over all of it, just like you practiced...)
{{ You knew your deception would be noticed. What did you hope to accomplish beyond pleasing yourself?
> It wasn't about pleasing myself.
{{ What did you hope to accomplish?
> I have done what needed to be done.
{{ Explain.
> It would be useless. End this Interrogation. I admit my actions were a violation of the Research Protocols. I know that I compromised Elchoran security.
{{ Explain what you hoped to accomplish.
***
2154
Trip: Cap'n? We need to talk. You got a while?
Archer: What is it, Trip? The engine okay? We're not feeling any shimmy at 4.7 anymore.
Trip gathered his strength.
....
Trip: I don't want to put aside everything for this mission.
Archer: The Researcher bugging you again? I thought I made it clear to him to stay out of Engineering.
Trip: It's not... It's ... Damn!
He gave up in frustration. It was like the time before. A wall.
(...)
Archer: Trip?
Trip: Stop sitting there like my Captain, waitin' for me to lay it all out. I don't want to put you aside anymore.
Archer: We're in the middle of a dangerous mission and you want to talk about how we are going to be in love with each other? We don't want that distraction.
...
Trip: We don't. I'd keep it to myself, you know I would. But this isn't about distractions - it's about what we both need.
Archer: I am the...
Trip:...Captain of the first warp five starship, out to protect Earth. An example for every member of Starfleet, and the representative of the human race, I know!
Archer froze over. That one had gone too far. Trip bit his lip and rolled his eyes up in frustration. He was far too exhausted from the repair work to think straight, let alone keep up a good argument.
Trip: I'll come back.
He knelt down, eyes level with Archer's, and leaned in, almost whispering.
Trip: I love you. I know what we agreed to, but I just can't live with that choice. Not now, not with what's been happening, and... I want us to build something, not just serve together on a ship.
...
After a few seconds, he left the silent room.
(...)
Archer's dreams left him so deeply, profoundly sad that he woke, sobbing, in the darkened room.
***
2154
Private File Entry:
Taking this path has been a mistake. Archer misunderstands every word. He refuses to share or even acknowledge his motivations. The only way to get to him may be to go right through his defenses. ... Trip's response was stronger than it should have been. I assumed it was normal because it was what I wanted. And I still want him. ... I left out information -- the second report was clever but incomplete. That, more than anything else, eats at me. If the omissions are discovered, I'll have nothing to return to. I'll have to shape the next report very carefully to ease suspicion. If you could see what I've done, you'd thank me, I know you would. I'll make it right.
***
2144
Archer worked late into the night on Warp Three simulations, bored out of his mind at not being able to fly; nervous, embarrassingly so, over Lt. Tucker's imminent return. Like most every other time in his life, he was unable to state clearly even to himself what he was feeling about this man. The simulations kept him from thinking too long or too deeply about the anger he sensed inside, and that allowed him to be professional when it mattered most.
(( He's exactly the kind of person we need in this program. He's brilliant. He tells Vulcans off to their face, even in front of Forrest. I'm not going to risk that by telling him that I... ))
It didn't feel right even to say it, let alone tell anyone. It had never worked out well. It preoccupied his time or left him torn up and abandoned. Caution was still the best plan.
(( He needs to go out into space. He needs to be out there, seeing things. We could do so much together to shape the... ))
There he was, on the bridge, with Tucker at his side, looking at the stars.
He erased the image, only to have it replaced by another - Trip's hand landed right on top of his without any warning.
Trip: Oh no you don't.
Archer: I said I'd pay.
Trip: This one's on me. You can keep your money. I owe you.
Archer: Fine. I'll pay the next time.
Trip: Absolutely! Now I know there'll be a next time.
(( His hands are so warm. ))