***

2154

Tegl: Talk. To him or to me.

(...)

Archer: We agreed to work and live as friends, for the good of the mission.

Tegl: One of the hardest skills Researchers face is reconciling two conflicting reports. Especially when one of the reports is built on lies.

Archer: We ended it. Together.

Tegl: Captain, it was your decision.

Archer: Why are we still having this discussion four months after I told you to drop it?

Tegl: Things have changed. Ask him.

Archer: I know what he wants. We discussed it, and nothing can change.

Tegl: Trip is capable of deciding what he wants.

Archer: It sounds to me like you're the one deciding for him.

Tegl: You ended it. You made the choice of career over a man you'd been in love with for...

Archer lunged forward, diplomacy cast aside, slamming Tegl against the wall of his quarters.

Archer: It ISN'T your business and he ISN'T your "subject" to toy with!

Tegl: Let me go, Captain.

It was more of a growl than an order, and he could feel Tegl's hands crush in on him and lift him away. Tegl tossed him back and down; he lost his footing and slumped at the corner of the bed.

Tegl: You don't control me, Captain.

His voice grew.

Tegl: Your ship, your crew, your own life, yes. Don't ever try to control a Tabran. Your FOOLISH human control!

Archer: Is this how Tabrans collect their data? Beating people down? Ripping open old wounds? It isn't how humans would do it.

Tegl: We've been doing this for a very long time, Captain. Don't question the methods when the truth is all that matters.

Archer: Truth? I fought it off.

Tegl: Fighting truth is a losing battle.

Archer: I fought HIM off. I fought the idea of being with him. I was right to. It couldn't have ended well. ... It didn't.

***

2144

Archer: This is the best diner you know?

Trip: Well, sure, it's a little...atmospheric...but the FOOD -- Amancita makes the sausage herself, the eggs are fresh from a little farm down the road, and the pancakes are sky high!

Archer couldn't contain a smile - this kid could sell matches in hell. His eyes sparkled as he described the waffles and bacon, his brows dancing up and down. His hands never stopped, even when he ran out of menu items. He went right into the superlatives he hadn't used yet. It was all Archer could do to keep from kissing him right there.

(( This isn't going to happen. It can't. I can't listen to what he is promising. ))

Trip: So what do you want? Something serious? I mean, tell me exactly what you want - don't hold back.

Archer was caught off guard.

Trip: Two coffees, Amancita, he's not awake yet.

Archer: For breakfast? Oh, uh, pancakes.

Trip: Excellent choice!

Archer: So tell me about your trip. "Sorry," he added.

Trip: You're gonna hafta get over that one if we're gonna be working together.

Archer: Did you collect the specs on the engine realignment links?

The excitement in Trip's voice didn't wane for a second, it just shifted to engine specs. Trip went on at length about the benefits of the new system for intermix ratios but Archer was having trouble concentrating. Trip had obviously had several cups of coffee before picking him up and was very awake, but Archer felt like he was in a haze, with only Trip in clear focus.

Archer: That's great, Trip. Get to work on those as soon as you can.

Trip stopped, hearing the absent tone of Archer's voice, and stuffed a forkful of pancakes in his mouth, his eyes not leaving his companion's face.

(...)

Over the cold syrup, Archer ventured his bravest question in years.
Archer: So, you said you wanted to see me. Was it just about the realignment links?

Trip: I just wanted to see you.

Archer reddened, panicking.

Trip: I wanted to see you because I missed you a lot, and... I'd like to not have to feel that way again...

(...)

***

2154

This was exactly the distraction he'd feared - still able to command but not to shut Trip out, or block Tegl's insistent face, pressing in on his as he lay on the floor of his quarters. Tegl had come within a quarter inch of his face, and the sensation was unlike anything he'd felt before - neither terror nor arousal, but both. Tegl had knelt down and taken his shoulders firmly in his grasp, and... smelled him. A long, deep inhalation that filled his nose, his lungs, his whole body, it seemed.

Trip was in his head too, every single minute of their time together.

***

2154

Phlox: This should help with the bruising and rib damage. ... You're lucky he didn't use his full strength, Captain.

Archer: Just tell me if I'm medically fit again.

Phlox: You're medically fit, but you shouldn't be tolerating this behavior.

Archer: This doesn't concern you, Doctor.

Phlox: As ship's physician, your health is my concern. Mr. Tegl is a clear danger to that health.

Archer: He's harmless. I just got angry at him, and he pushed me off. It won't happen again.

Phlox: Tabrans will always do as they wish. He's disrupting the crew - you can ask T'Pol.

Archer: Doc, this is my problem. I'll handle it. I don't need your protection.

Or your second-guessing. T'Pol has shared her concerns with me.

Phlox: He's also been showing Tabran technology to Commander Tucker. He's been in twice for headaches. You yourself are battling a great deal of stress.

Archer: They don't share technology. What's he after?

Phlox: I think you and Commander Tucker hold the key to that question. He's spent more time with you two than with anyone else on board.

Archer: I need to get back to the bridge.

***

2145

The lake lapped quietly on the shore and the cold bit into him. He walked a long time in silence and stood even longer looking up, icy stars far above.

Dad, I don't know what I'm doing any more.

I've been holding on to your dream for so long that I can't let go. And this young lieutenant, this Charles Tucker - you'd love him, Dad. I promised him the Chief Engineer's position on my first ship a day after I met him. I meant it too; he knows your engine inside out. He believes in you. He told the Vulcans off to their faces, just like you used to. And when it mattered most. I think we saved the program.

(...)

I know I've got to keep going, for you and for the plans you made. I will get your engine to Warp Five, with Tucker's help. But I've made a lot of...decisions to get where I am and I'm all alone. I never put anything ahead of my career or the captain's chair, but that's all I have now. The others went away, even the ones who said they loved me; I let them down. I can't let you down, too.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THIS, DAD?!

Overhead, as his anger echoed away, he could make out the spacedock glowing white, like a small star swinging across the sky. Trip was up there, deep into the engine most likely, dirt rubbed on his nose - that nose - and him not even noticing. Archer's star passed on to the east over the mountain peaks.

Mom? You'd love him too. He's like nobody else. He's a real gentleman, with this Southern voice that just... pulls you in. It all goes away when he starts talking: the testing, the planning, the worrying, all that crap; it isn't there anymore. It's just us.

(...)

His name's Trip. He wants something from me, you know? He wants something serious. You always said to do what makes me happy. What if the two things that make me happy won't work at the same time?

I love him, Mom. But I don't know what I'm doing.

A few stars were still visible in the deep blue of earliest morning.