Unexplored Territories - Part 2

Malcolm made his way down the corridor with some slight anticipation. He wondered what Trip would be like without the captain around. He hadn't seen him alone in over a week. He did understand how Trip could need some degree of support walking about the ship. So, that's why he wasn't surprised when he got the call as he was in his quarters freshening up for the dinner break. Trip's timid voice came across the com and asked Malcolm if he wouldn't mind walking him to the mess. Malcolm said he was meeting Travis for dinner and would be happy to walk with Trip.

Poor guy. Trip needed so much to stand on his own two feet and face up to his problems. Oh, the doctor was handling his therapy well enough, but Malcolm couldn't help but feel that the captain was coddling Trip. That's why he had decided he would have to be the one to remain firm when it came to Trip's mood swings. Not cold or cruel, but firm.

Trip finished combing his hair and took one last look at himself in the mirror. He wanted to make sure he looked as nice as he did when Jon took care of him. The last thing he wanted was for the captain to think he was losing it to the point of being sloppy with his appearance.

Losing it. Trip let out a muffled laugh and shook his head. He'd never thought of it consciously that way, but that's what it was. Every time he let those demons take hold and envelope him he was losing it. And Jon had been there, as always, to fall back on and guide him back to reality.

Jon. Who the hell was he? Trip had hopelessly turned that thought over and over in his mind. Best friend, Captain, big brother, or was he more? Trip had never felt what he felt around Jon towards any man before. Hell, he had never even thought about it until last week. How could he know how he really felt towards Jon when he couldn't even bring himself to consider talking openly with the man about it? Geez, this dinner was gonna be damn awkward.

The door chime startled him and Trip turned off the bathroom light and answered the door. Malcolm smiled back at him.

"You ready?" Malcolm asked.

"Yeah," Trip said, joining his friend in the hall.

"Dinner with the captain?"

"Yep," Trip nodded, self-consciously looking at the floor as they walked.

"I'd have thought the captain would want other company now." Malcolm said with a playful nudge to Trip's arm.

"He might, but it was my idea." Trip confessed. "I just wanna start slow, ya know? I don't really feel like bein' out there in the mess with everyone. Not yet, anyway."

"You've got to start sometime." Malcolm looked over at Trip.

"I know," Trip shrugged his shoulders. "It's just my first day and all."

"So," Malcolm decided to ask. "Guess you aren't up for the movie tonight?"

"Oh," Trip shook his head. "I don't think so, Malcolm. What is it?"

"Wuthering Heights. Hoshi tells me it was your choice."

"Yeah," Trip remembered. "I was tellin' Hoshi and Travis about it awhile back.
They both like that sappy, romantic stuff. Thought they'd get into it. Maybe I'll
see if the cap'n wants to go."

The captain crutch, Malcolm thought. Maybe there was still a chance to wean Trip away from Archer. He had to try one last time.

"If you want to join me for lunch tomorrow it's at 1300 hours."

Trip kept his eyes on his shoes. "We'll see."

Okay, Malcolm thought, maybe that was firm enough. He added, "I'll come by your quarters about fifteen minutes before?"

Trip looked up out of the corner of his eye and half smiled. "Thanks."

The mess was busy with the peak dinnertime. Travis carried his tray and made his way to a table in the corner. Just as he was about to sit, he looked up and saw Lieutenant Reed enter with Commander Tucker at his side.

The commander looked well enough. Only his head was lowered and his eyes fixed on the carpeting. Not at all like the man Travis had come to know in the last year. The Trip Tucker he knew entered a room with shoulders straight, head up and eyes looking at what lay ahead.

"Enjoy your meal." Malcolm whispered to Trip as he moved off to get his food.
Trip walked towards the captain's dining room door and stopped in front of it. He looked over at the panel that would allow him in to see the man he had come to know more intimately than any other man. Trip raised up his hand, shakily, toward the panel. As his hand hovered over the controls, he took a few deep breaths and reminded himself that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was Jon on the other side of that door waiting for him. The man who cared so much for him and would never hurt him...or so he said.

Jon sat at the table, nervously turning his fork end over end on the table. The dull thump as the utensil hit the tablecloth was the only sound in the room. If there were ever a time in his life that he doubted himself, it was now. He hadn't realized how difficult it was going to be to go back to the so-called normal life they had all created for themselves aboard Enterprise. He wanted so much for his friendship with Trip to have a stronger foundation, regardless of whether their roles within it were to change or not.

Trip was still fragile emotionally and Jon wasn't going to allow him to be hurt anymore. Not if it was within his power to control. Yes, he had confessed his true feelings for Trip to the younger man. But that wasn't meant to confuse him.
It was meant to comfort and help Trip through the ordeal that started so long ago in his childhood. To let him know that he was loved and secure with the man who was taking care of him. He just hoped he had been right to divulge that and that it wouldn't backfire on him.

The door opened and Trip entered with a shy smile. Jon looked up and smiled.

"Hi," Trip softly said as he pulled out his chair and sat down.

"Hi," Jon repeated. "How was your day?"

"It was okay." Trip began to reach for his napkin, but Jon had quickly grabbed it and held it out in front of him.

Before Jon could tuck the napkin into Trip's shirt, the latter gently grabbed hold of the cloth and pulled on it. Jon, embarrassed, let go and turned his attention to his own napkin.

"Sorry," Jon apologized.

"Kinda weird, huh?" Trip nervously laughed.

"No," Jon quickly replied. "It's just that, well, old habits are hard to break."

The steward came in with their plates, putting them down in front of them. He looked to the captain, who nodded his approval, and then turned and exited.

"Spaghetti and meatballs." Trip said, inhaling the aroma rising from his plate.

"Chef didn't put it on the menu last week," Jon said. "He's a merciful man."

Trip looked up, realizing the implications. As his mind painted a vivid picture of Jon trying to feed him the spaghetti, he started to smile. The smile grew wider and a chuckle started from deep down inside him. He looked up at Jon, who was smiling just as big, and both began to laugh. The tensions and doubts each man had carried into this room were being consumed by laughter.

Malcolm, carrying his tray, walked past the captain's dining room on his way to join Travis. He stopped short as he heard the belly laughs coming from the other side of the door. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he continued to walk towards the table. The captain and the commander did indeed share a special relationship that was now bonded by a stronger connection. Malcolm had felt it, when he had visited them over the past week. Maybe it wasn't so bad if Trip clung to the captain a little longer.

Although he still had a strong connection with Trip after their shuttlepod one incident, Malcolm knew it could never match the one with Jonathan Archer. And, somehow, that was all right with him. He knew he could never be as close to anyone as Archer and Tucker were with each other. It just wasn't possible for Malcolm. He had come a long way in the last year with his own emotional baggage and had formed friendships, like the one with Travis, that he never thought possible. So, he was glad Trip had Jon. They balanced each other nicely, he thought.

Dinner was long over and Trip sat staring at the cleared table. Jon shifted in his chair, reaching for and sipping his iced tea.

"I really don't know what to say," Trip mumbled. "I mean, I know you aren't gonna pressure me into anythin'..."

"All I'm asking," Jon said, crossing his arms and leaning on the table. "Is that you not let what I said that morning make you uncomfortable. I know it's easier said than done, but I never meant to cause you any more grief. God, Trip, I had just realized myself what was happening. Maybe I didn't exercise the best judgment, but..."

"I'm scared, Jon," Trip's voice cracked. "Not of you, or of how you feel. I'm scared of me. Of not bein' able to understand myself. I don't know what I'm feelin' for you. It's all still so mixed up."

Jon sighed, getting up and moving behind Trip. He placed his hands on Trip's shoulders and gently began to massage him. Trip relaxed and closed his eyes.

"I think we need to be honest with the doc." Jon admitted.

Trip's eyes snapped open and he turned around to face Jon. "No."

"Trip," Jon pressed, coming around to the side and kneeling down to meet Trip's eye level. "Your therapy is far from over. What I did, in telling you about how I feel, is making an impact on your progress. I didn't want to believe it, but I can see it."

"But nothin' happened," Trip's eyes began to get misty and he bit his lower lip.

"That doesn't make any difference." Jon took hold of Trip's hands. "Look what it's doing to you. Look what I've done to you."

Trip began to roll his head from side to side as he did when resignation was inevitable.

"You can't get in trouble for it, can you?" Trip asked. "Phlox won't report it or anything, will he?"

"He doesn't have to," Jon reassured him. "And I think I know the doc well enough to know he isn't going to make matters worse. He wants to help you. Getting me in trouble isn't exactly in your best interest."

"Tomorrow's session is at 0900." Trip sighed.

"I'll be there." Jon promised. He added, giving Trip a gentle shake. "Everything's going to be fine, Trip. Even if we just go back to being the way we were with each other before all of this, I can live with that."

"I know," Trip said. "But I really don't think I do want it to go back to the way it was. I just don't know if I can let it go as far as you want it to, Jon. And I feel bad for needin' you like I do. It's not fair to you..." His voice broke off as the tears welled up in his eyes and he hung his head.

Jon leaned forward and pulled Trip into an embrace. Trip's arms hung by his side, but he placed his forehead on Jon's shoulder, crying softly.

"I love ya, Jon," Trip sobbed. "I really do."

"Shh," Jon rubbed Trip's back. "I know that, and it makes me feel so damn lucky."

He can't even hug me, Jon thought. He doesn't even trust me enough to feel safe in my arms. The last thing he wanted was Trip to feel every touch; every embrace triggered a sexual response in him. And at that moment Jon vowed he would see to it that this broken man would heal. Even if it meant risking his career if he really did impair Trip's recovery by telling him how he felt about him. If that's what the doc discovers during the therapy sessions, so be it, Jon thought. God, just let Trip be at peace again. And as if his prayer was being answered, Jon felt Trip wrap his arms around him tightly.

Continue to Part 3

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