Unexplored Territories - Part 3

"Is it possible you're not feeling worthy of being in the crew's company, socially, because of what you did on Montelosa?" Trip sat, hunched forward with his arms wrapped around his waist, staring at Phlox. He had made a promise to himself that he would not avoid any questions or statements thrown at him in therapy. That was promise he had kept, even though it was becoming increasingly more difficult each session.

"Naw," Tucker shook his head. "'Cuz I know why I did it. I don't think I blame myself or think I'm a scumbag."

"I didn't mean that," Phlox said.

"Then what did ya mean?" Tucker shot back.

Phlox regarded the commander, deciding how much tension the man carefully hid.

"Suppose you just tell me why and I stop trying to guess."

Trip laughed. Guessing was he? Right, Doc, he thought. He was sure Phlox knew more about humans than he'd like him to believe.

"I just need to be careful 'round people right now." The commander explained. "I need to clear out my head first."

Jonathan Archer had slipped into sickbay quietly just as Phlox began this segment. He couldn't help but feel that Trip was covering up the true reason for his aversion to anyone other than Phlox, Malcolm and his Captain. Jon was sure it was Trip's confusion over his feelings for him. He took a deep breath as he headed for Phlox's office and, quite possibly, smack dab into boiling, hot water.

"You're doing very well, Mr. Tucker." Phlox was commending. "Your mood swings aren't as frequent. What about the nightmares?"

"Just a small one, last night," a voice said.

Phlox and Trip both turned to see the captain standing just inside the doorway.

"Captain," Phlox stood up, grabbing another chair and placing it next to Tucker. "Please, join us."

Jon sat and looked at Trip, who just stared at him. He really did mean to confront their issue. What the hell was he thinking? Trip shifted nervously.

"So," Phlox continued. "There was a nightmare last night?"

When Trip didn't answer, Jon responded, "Yes. Trip called me and I talked to him for a few minutes."

"Was it that disturbing that you needed to talk to someone?" Phlox asked Tucker.

Tucker shrugged his shoulders. "Guess so. I called him didn't I?"

"Doc, I think he was just lonely." Archer defended. "It was his first night..."

"Without you." Phlox finished. "Tell me, how did you two really get along? There had to be anger, frustration."

"Course there was," Tucker shot back. "I hated it."

Jon frowned at the younger man. He knew it had been hard for Trip in the beginning, but he thought that his friend had relaxed enough to make it bearable.

"All of it?" Jon heard himself ask.

Trip got up and began to pace, running his hands through his spiky hair. "Not all. Well, ya know what I mean."

Phlox shifted his eyes from one man to the other. The captain was furrowing his brow, trying to understand what the other was saying. The commander was looking back at him out of the corner of his eye, almost shyly. There were definite deep emotions between these two humans. Though Phlox had been studying all of the humans over the last year, these two had a connection he felt was stronger than the others.

"Gentlemen," Phlox said after a very long pause. "I wasn't able to attend, so tell me about the incident at the movie last night."

Tucker shuffled back and sat down in his chair, resuming his guarded position of hugging himself. Archer looked to the doctor and waited for the go ahead to speak. When Tucker didn't respond, Phlox nodded.

"The movie was "Wuthering Heights"." Archer began. "Have you seen it, Doc?"

"Partly," Phlox answered. "I had a private viewing later on."

"Tryin' to figure out what made me go loony, Doc?" Tucker accused.

"Trip." Jon warned. "Watch your tongue."

"That's quite all right, Captain." Phlox said. "He's correct. I did hear of the incident and needed to review the scene of the movie just prior to the outburst. It was when the boy, Heathcliff, was being hit by the other boy."

"So, ya already know. Why do I have to tell ya?" Tucker rose from his seat again and began to pace.

"Because you need to know why." Phlox answered. "They were children playing and one boy used that game to attack the other. Did you see your Uncle Chris and yourself as a boy then?"

Trip was becoming tense. His body was tightening and his hands were balled up in clenched fists. Jon knew he was holding back, building those walls higher.

"He yelled, no." Archer explained. "Startled everyone in the room. I tried to talk to him quietly, but he kept raising his voice. Telling me it wasn't right and that he didn't deserve to be treated that way."

"I didn't!" Trip wheeled around and yelled. "I never asked for it! I didn't!"

Phlox and Archer rose from their chairs, both studying Tucker as he stood before them with his eyes filling with tears.

"You didn't ask for what, Command...Trip?" Phlox asked calmly.

"He said I did. Every time I..." Trip now sunk slowly to his knees with his hands still tightly clenched at his sides. "I didn't...did I?"

Jon's heart was breaking as he watched the younger man before his eyes still broken and hurting beyond his ability to help him. He moved closer to Trip and knelt before him.

"Asked for what?" Jon tried asking again.

"He tried it again." Trip leaned back on his heels. "The next mornin', I was still in bed too afraid to get out. Just waitin' for my folks to come get me. He was already drunk that early in the mornin'. I heard him comin' down the hall and I pretended to be asleep. He threw the door open and I couldn't keep still. I jumped outta bed and tried to run past him. But he grabbed me, threw me down on the bed. I didn't beg him this time. I just fought, as much kickin' and punchin' as I could. He kept tryin' to kiss me. Slobberin' all over my face." The tears were falling down his face now, onto the floor.

Jon felt tears welling up in his own eyes. He saw Phlox move up alongside him and the doc placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He kept sayin' I knew I wanted it. That I asked for it every time I gave him a hug. He said I only had myself to blame." Trip choked back the sobs. "But that wasn't true. I didn't want that. He got a fist in the eye and he hollered. Called me some cuss name and turned and left. I ran to bathroom and scrubbed my face raw tryin' to wash away his slime."

"You're absolutely right," Phlox said, softly. "You didn't ask for that. You were a loving, compassionate little boy who wanted his uncle not to be sad about his wife's death. He was the one to blame."

Trip looked up at Jon now. His expression one of confusion. "Did I ask for it, Jon?"

Jon swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest. God, what have I done, he thought.

"Huh?" Trip pushed. "Did I make ya feel the way you do about me? Cause I don't remember doin' it. Maybe it's all my fault."

"It's no one's fault, Trip." Jon's strained voice croaked.

"Captain," Phlox said. "What is going on here?"

"Doc," Jon started, not taking his eyes off of Trip. "I think I may be responsible for some of these doubts Trip has. I never meant to hurt him."

Phlox looked at each of the men before him. Yes, he had thought there might be a change in their relationship after the last week, but he had no idea to what degree. There were strong feelings between them of the kind that shape one's very being... or destroy it. It was becoming clear to him now that there wasn't just one man and one issue to deal with here. There were two men before him that were both agonizing over one thing and one thing only. Each other.

Continue to Part 4

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