Promises

Title: Promises

Author: Nodakgirl

Author's e-mail: nodakgirl49@aol.com

Date: Posted to EntSTSlash, MEGA 01/31/04

Archive: Yes to EntSTCommunity, MEGA, Captain and Commander, Archers Enterprise, House of Tucker Archer*Trip

Summary: What happens after 'Cogenitor' with Archer and Tucker??

Beta: Thanks to KayJay for her suggestions and encouragement and to Ginny for her help

Spoilers: Cogenitor

Disclaimer: I don’t own nor do I profit from this story. Paramount and UPN own the boys, I just like to take them out and play with them once in a while.

Author's notes: This is my first slash….heck it is my first fanfic. I just hated the way Cogenitor ended and had to try and remedy it. Told from Archers POV

***

Archer glared at Trip for a moment and then spat, “Dismissed!” He turned his back to him and stared out of the window.

“Cap’n?” Trip said softly, not quite believing that this was the end of the conversation.

Archer ignored him and a moment later Trip walked slowly out the door of the Captain's ready room.
***

I had been relaxing in my cabin when Hoshi told me that the captain of the Vissian ship wanted to speak with me and he seemed upset. The conversation was not pleasant and I knew I had to deal with another unpleasant conversation. I needed to talk with Trip. I got up and put on my uniform and ordered Trip to report to my ready room.

As I was waited for him, I tried to think about what I would say to him. I had never been so angry or disappointed in Trip in all the years that I have known him. When he arrived and the conversation began, I reacted with anger. I wasn’t interested in what he might have to say. I looked at his stricken face and didn’t care. The Cogenitor was dead and it was Trip’s fault. Our first contact with these people had gone terribly wrong. All I could think at that moment was that it was Trip’s fault. My report to Starfleet would be a black mark on this ship and my command.

After Trip left, I paced the ready room. As I paced, I realized that I was also feeling guilt and not just the anger. Guilty that I spent 3 days with the Vissian captain and out of touch with what was happening with my crew. Maybe if I hadn’t wanted an adventure so badly, I would have been here to see what was happening, to see how Trip was feeling. To be there for him to confide in, to advise him before the situation fell so totally apart.

Charles Tucker III and I have a pretty special relationship. We have known each other for 9 years. I was drawn to him the first time I met him. That he so emotionally defended my father’s engine to the Vulcans made me notice him. I called him impulsive…yes, he is impulsive, always has been. I have always been one to turn things over and over in my head until I come to a conclusion and then I act on it. Out here I have agonized over situations with other species and have probably not always made the best choices. I have had my impulsive moments though. Impulsiveness kept the NX program from being scrubbed. It is amazing that two men who approach life in such different ways could have bonded so well. But I think it is our completely opposite ways of handling things that make ours a tight bond. We seem to offset each other perfectly. The first night that I met Trip, we went to the 602 Club and talked until closing time. We have been best friends since then.

I fought for Trip to be the Chief Engineer on Enterprise. I couldn’t imagine being out here in deep space without his knowledge and expertise with this engine. He was definitely the most qualified of all the candidates so Starfleet had no problem with my choice. I wondered occasionally if there wasn’t another reason that I pushed so hard to have him on my crew.

Being a starship captain is a very lonely life. There is no one else of my command level to associate with. It is expected that a captain will not fraternize with his crew. I have no one that I can be myself with…except Trip. I find myself looking forward to our meals together, our off duty time watching water polo or just talking or sharing a drink. With Trip, I can be Jonathan Archer and not Captain Archer. I need that time. Lately I find myself wondering if I am too dependent on Trip. Not just to keep the engines running but for my emotional health as well. The bond we have always shared seems stronger out here and as time passes, it continues to get stronger, for me anyway, although I am not sure that I am able to put it into words.

Finally I stop pacing. I will talk with Trip later when we have both had time to think. I need to get back to the bridge. Things are quiet; I get reports from T’Pol regarding a nebula that is about 10 light years in front of us. We have decided to take a few readings on our way by, but not stop. Malcolm Reed needed to update me on the upgrades that are going on to the phase cannons. And Hoshi is having problems with the UT again. My bridge crew is excellent; I listen to their reports and give a little feedback but mostly I step out of the way and let them do their jobs. I read and sign a few reports and listen to the low hum of their work chatter, thinking how lucky I am to be here on this marvelous ship.

Thoughts of Trip and the cogenitor intrude on the quiet and once again, I am up and pacing around the bridge. I notice the quick looks. Yes, the captain is pacing again. I am sure by now they have heard about the Cogenitor and probably my early morning meeting with Trip. Things don’t go unnoticed around here for long.

I realize that I haven’t gotten my daily report from Trip. I hit the comm….”Archer to Engineering.”

“Lt Hess here, captain.” comes the response. Not what I expected. Trip usually answers when I call down.

“Is Commander Tucker there, Lieutenant?”

“No sir, he came by earlier and gave us assignments and then left again.”

“I didn’t get an update from engineering this morning.”

“Sorry, sir.” Lt Hess replied, “I thought the Commander had sent it off.” I hear her pushing buttons. “Should be at your station now, sir.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Archer out.”

Now I have the engineering report that I really don’t need anyway. Trip keeps the engines running so efficiently that reports rarely show anything different. And he always shares any odd occurrences with me in our moments together.

I know now that I handled the talk with Trip badly. I need to talk with him again. I start thinking about how he must be feeling. I dumped the whole responsibility of the Cogenitor's death on his shoulders. I realize how much he was emotionally involved with it. How this death must be tearing him apart inside. I literally turned my back on him. The only thing I worried about was how this was going to reflect on me. I never even thought how much it would be affecting him, even while I was looking at him, seeing the tears in those blue eyes, seeing him fight for control in front of me.

I am up and pacing again, not caring that the crew is giving each other very puzzled looks. Finally I stop.

“T’Pol, you have the bridge.”

“Captain?”

“You have the bridge. Call if you need me; I will be in my quarters.”

I walk out. I notice the look on her face. Was it curiosity or concern? That seems kind of emotional for a Vulcan, I grin to myself quickly, thinking Trip would enjoy that.

As I walk toward the crew quarters, I think that maybe I should stop by Trip’s quarters and see how he is doing. I turn in that direction but stop myself. I still need more time. I head to my quarters; Porthos greets me eagerly as I enter. I stop and talk with him and scratch his ears. I pick him up and nuzzle his soft fur. As always, just the contact with him makes me calmer. The com buzzes before I can do anything else.

“Dr. Phlox to Captain Archer.”

I put Porthos down and hit the panel. “Archer.”

“Captain, could you come to Sickbay when you have a moment.”

“On my way.”

“What now?” I think, as I head to Sickbay. It is a relief though to be thinking of something else for a little while. The Cogenitor thing is really eating at me. Truth be told, I am very worried about Trip. He never leaves engineering on his shift. He can be literally dying and his engines still have his full attention.

By the time I arrive at Sick Bay, I am uneasy.

Entering Sick Bay I find Trip sitting on a biobed staring down at his feet and Dr. Phlox running a scanner over him.

“Ah, Captain, good to see you,” said Dr. Phlox, as always cheerful. Nothing ever seems to bother him. “Glad you could make it so quickly,” he continues. “Commander Tucker has requested to be relieved from duty for an indefinite time.”

Startled, I look at the biobed. “Trip?” He doesn’t look up.

I move closer, worried. “Commander?” I insist.

He responds. “Captain.”

It is like I have been hit in the chest! Captain…. where was the familiar Cap’n? I never realized how intimate it is when he calls me that. I move over to the biobed and stand close to him.

He raises his eyes and looks at me. Those eyes are so blue! When was the first time I noticed that? But right now they are so filled with pain that I can hardly look into them.

I put my hand on his shoulder; I feel him tense and pull away slightly so I take it away.

I turn to Phlox. “What is the problem, Doctor?”

Phlox looks up from his scanner and moves to the other side of Sickbay. I move with him.

“I can find nothing physically wrong with him, Captain but he seems very emotionally distraught and I think at this point we should grant his request that he be relieved from duty. I am assuming this emotional breakdown has to do with the Cogenitor's death.”

I look sharply at him. I have not told him anything about this but I am not really surprised that he knows.

“If this is the problem, Doc, is there any way we can help him deal with it while he remains on duty? Enterprise needs her chief engineer.”

I am very reluctant to allow Trip to be relieved from duty. Part of it is selfishness. I rely on him totally. But the other part is that, knowing Trip, I feel that he would be better off if he had his engines to concentrate on.

Trip speaks up from the other side of the room. “Captain?”

We were speaking quietly but I have the feeling he has heard everything. I walk over to him.

“Yes!” I say a little too sharply. I am reacting to the fact that this is the second time in 5 minutes that he has spoken to me more formally than he has needed too.

“Sir, please just relieve me of duty. I don’t think I can be of much use right now. I just need some time right now to make some decisions.”

“Decisions? What kind of decisions?” I hear the coldness in my tone.

“I am not sure I belong out here, sir.”

I don’t respond. I just look at him. My mind is not processing this. Is he saying that he wants to go home? This thought hits me hard. I had always assumed that he would be here on this ship, with these engines…with me…. for the whole mission.

“Trip…” I start.

“Sir, please.” He interrupts, looking at me. There is pain in his eyes but there is also a distance from me. His look does not invite me to go any further with what I was going to say.

I study him for a few moments.

“Very well, you are relieved of duty until further notice. You are to report to Dr. Phlox at least once a day.”

“Thank you, sir.” He looks inquiringly at Phlox.

“You may go, Commander, but I expect you to report to me tomorrow morning.”

Trip nods, slides off the biobed and walks out the door.

***

It has been over two weeks since Trip asked to be relieved of duty. He has reported to Phlox as ordered every day. Phlox reports to me that Trip is very agitated and has been unable to concentrate to do even the simplest tests. It is probably a good thing that he has been relieved of duty. Phlox has tried to act as psychologist and get him express what he is feeling. He apparently is not having any success. He has expressed his frustration more than once at Trip's stubborn refusal to do anything more than report each day.

I am at a loss as to what I can do. I have tried on 3 different occasions to talk with Trip. He is polite, respectful and distant. I feel shut off from him. The easy camaraderie that we have always shared is gone.

I find myself going through my routine in a haze. It is a quiet time in this mission right now. Usually I am impatient when nothing is happening, but this time I am grateful that I don’t have to make too many decisions.

I spend a lot of time in my ready room. It affords me some privacy for reflection. I have been doing a lot of that the last couple of weeks. Do I still think Trip was wrong in regard to the Vissian Cogenitor? I definitely do. One day there will be a set of directives in place to deal with situations such as this. I vow to have a hand in working out something formal so that other captains are not faced with some of the decisions that my crew and I have had to wrestle with.

Would I have handled the situation differently with Trip? I am not sure; I know I should have handled it differently. For all of his good ole boy routine, Trip is a very sensitive man.

I find myself missing him more than I thought I would. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his laugh; I miss the quick looks that we exchange on the bridge or in the mess hall. I miss the evenings in my quarters just talking. I miss just being near him. I miss the accidental touches of his hand or his arm as I pass a bottle of beer to him. I miss watching the muscles in his chest and legs ripple as we work out in the gym. I miss the sweaty smell of him. This has been a revelation in the past couple of weeks to find that I miss those things. I have not had a lot of relationships with women in the past but I am no virgin. I enjoy women!! My career and my dream of deep space have kept women at a distance. However I have never felt a connection with a woman like the one I have with Trip. We have a shared dream and are in the process of living it. Does that mean that I am attracted to him? In the loneliness of the mission the last couple of year did this just grow without me even being aware of it? I have done a lot of thinking the last couple of weeks and am willing to admit, if only to myself, that I am most likely in love with my chief engineer. How did this happen? However it happened, it can’t/won’t go any further than my acknowledging this fact to myself only. I would never want to ruin our friendship…if we still have one…. by confiding my feelings to him.

I leave my ready room, pass through the bridge onto the lift. “You have the Bridge, Malcolm.” T’Pol is in the science department running some scans on a binary star system that we are near.

“Aye, sir.” I hear him answer as the lift door closes.

I stop by the Science department to check on the status of the star system that T’Pol is taking readings on. It is about the most exciting thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks.

“How’s it going?” I say as I approach her. She is bent over a monitor in total concentration. She seems to do everything with total concentration.

She looks up in response to my question.

“I am getting some unusual readings from one of the stars. I believe that it may be becoming unstable.” Her tone is bland, but having served with her for this long, I know she is excited about this new discovery.

“Is the ship in any danger?” I ask. It occurs to me that maybe we are too close to this system.

She studies her console for a moment and then says, “No, I don’t believe Enterprise is in any danger. The readings are fluctuating but at a relatively low level. It might be worth taking a few more readings before we leave the system.”

I nod, accepting her opinion. I look at the readings that she has already taken for a few more minutes and then leave the department. I make a decision as I walk out of the Science Department.

I make my way to Trip's quarters. I know that he has been spending most of his time there. I punch the buzzer. It takes a few moments but finally I am rewarded by Trip opening the door. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. His blond hair is sticking out like he has been running his hands through it repeatedly. He gazes at me for a moment and then turns and walks back to his bunk. I follow and shut the door behind me.

“Trip….” I begin.

“Captain, look if you don’t mind, I would just like to be left alone.” He doesn’t meet my eyes, just stares at the floor.

“Unfortunately, Trip, that is not going to happen today.” I say grimly.

He glances at me startled.

“We need to talk and I am not going anywhere until we have.” I am silent for a moment trying to form my words.

“The Cogenitor dying is a tragedy, there is no doubt about it. I said it was your fault, and it is, but it is also partly my fault. I shouldn’t have gone off for three days. I should have been available for you to talk with before you made any of those decisions.”

“It’s not your fault,” he says, repeating quietly what he was trying to say two weeks ago. I wait for him to continue. He just runs his hands through his hair again. I sigh and try again.

“Trip, there comes a point where you are going to have to forgive yourself and move forward with your life. You need to move on and make your life a meaningful one. The greatest tragedy would be if two lives were lost because of this. The Cogenitor is gone but you are still here.”

This time it is my turn to run my hand through my hair. I am doing a bad job of this. I am not a psychologist.

I try again. “It will take you some time to get through this; it is not going to happen quickly, but you need to let us help you. Talk with Dr. Phlox, talk with me, we are both available for you at any time.”

He turns and stares at me. I hold his gaze, waiting. A moment later he is staring at the floor again.

Finally he says quietly. “I'm resigning from Starfleet. I am going home. I don’t belong out here. I can’t jeopardize your mission anymore. You fought for me to be here and I have failed you.”

“Trip, Enterprise needs you. Hell, I need you here. You don’t think I haven’t made decisions that I find hard to live with? Every day I live with the decision not to provide medical care to the Valakeins. Maybe they got the help they needed but maybe they are still dying because I had to make a decision not to give them the technology that might have saved their lives. We all make tough decision and we all make mistakes out here, Trip, and we will do it again and again as we explore deep space. We are the first. It is always harder for the first. Those who follow will have the benefit of being able to review our decisions and mistakes. Don’t make a decision that you are sure to regret. Forgive yourself, stay and let’s find out what is out there.” "Together," I think, but don’t add that.

I put my hand on his back, he doesn’t move away; so I leave it there for a moment. Probably longer than I need to, but I have missed him. Finally I take my hand away and sit down beside him. We sit there for a long time without talking. It is comforting to me just to be with him. I almost feel like we are connecting again.

Finally he glances at me and says. “I know I have disappointed you, sir. I really thought I was going to be able to help the Cogenitor have a better life. I just hated to see that ‘Charles’ was stuck in that room all day and not treated like a person that had any feelings. I really thought I could make a difference in that person’s life. I have never made a difference in someone’s life before.”

I think to myself…"Oh, Trip! If you only knew!"

I say gently, “I think you make more of a difference than you know, Trip. There are so many people on this ship that would give their lives for you just because you have been there for them when they have needed a friend. You’re always ready to listen and to help out when there is a need.”

He listens quietly. “But that’s different, sir………”

“No, it isn’t different,” I interrupt firmly. “Your day-to-day actions make a difference in people lives. That is important, maybe more important than making a difference for someone of another species.”

I am silent for a while as he turns and faces me for the first time during this conversation.

“It wasn’t the right time for the Cogenitor, Trip. Maybe someday they will be able to take a place in Vissian society but it isn’t time yet. Maybe someday one Vissian will read the records of this incident and feel something other than alien interference was to blame for its suicide and it will spark a change. But not yet…not yet.” I sigh. Trip’s instinct was noble; he was being more human than most people. But when it comes to different cultures and species, we are finding out that we have to leave our preconceived notions of our culture out of equation when dealing with them.

I continue. “Enterprise and her crew need you, Trip; you make a difference here.”

Those blue eyes bore into mine. I find myself a little lost in their depths.

He starts to say something but we are thrown against each other by a violent heaving of the ship. As the ship settles I jump to my feet and hit the comm. “Archer…. bridge REPORT!” No response. The ship bucks again.

Trip and I are out of the door before it settles again for a few seconds. As we start down the hall…I stop at a comm station and punch the button.

“Archer to bridge…” This time I am rewarded with a faint voice and a lot of static.

“Captain, we have…………………”

The voice fades out…I am not even sure if it is T’Pol or if Malcolm still has the bridge. I hit the wall with frustration and then am running again. Trip is a little ahead of me and is heading for engineering.

The ship shifts wildly and I am thrown again the bulkhead hard. I feel pain in my left shoulder. Trip slows down and reaches toward me.

“I’m fine!!” I wave him on and follow him. The corridor is filling up with off duty crewman.

“Report to your stations!” I order and they scatter in different directions. The lights are flickering in the corridor and I pray they won’t go out completely. I need to get to the bridge quickly.

Thank goodness up ahead is the lift. I slide to a stop and hit the button. Nothing…I hit it again but it is apparent that the lift is out. I head to engineering which is on this level. I should be able to at least communicate with the bridge from there. Trip and I burst through the door at about the same moment.

“REPORT!!” we both yell.

Lt Hess, looking relieved to see us, explains. “We have been hit with something powerful -- the warp engines are off line. We have impulse power but that is all and we are fighting to keep that on line. Communications with the bridge are down right now, sir,” she finishes, looking at me.

“What hit us?” I ask.

“Unknown sir, but I don’t think it was a weapon.”

Whatever has hit us seems to have stopped for now. I head for the comm. Trip is heading for his engineering station. I push a few buttons and try to reroute communications so that I can at least talk with my bridge. I am trying to be calm but it is fast becoming impossible. This is my ship; I need to find out what is going on.

“Archer to bridge…”

For a moment there is nothing but static, I hit a few more buttons and then I am rewarded with T’Pols voice.

“Captain, one of the stars in the binary system that we were studying has exploded. It is sending very powerful shock waves and debris through the whole area.”

“Get us out of here, sub commander!” I order.

“We are attempting to do so but even though we have impulse power, our ability to maneuver is greatly diminished.”

“The lifts are out but I am heading up there right now.” I know there are a series of ladders and I can work my way up there.

“I wouldn’t advise that, Captain. There are more shockwaves coming, if you are caught in those passageways when they hit, you could be seriously injured.”

I am not worried about myself. I need to keep Enterprise safe. “Polarize the hull plating!”

“Already done.”

“When is the next shockwave scheduled to hit us?” I continue.

“Three minutes, Captain, and this one seems to have a great deal of debris with it.”

I turn to the engineering station where Trip is working frantically.

“Trip, I need warp drive. NOW!”

“I’m trying, sir, but we have an overload in the plasma coils and I have to clear that first.”

I almost groan in frustration. “Quickly, Commander!”

He doesn’t answer, his attention on the engineering control board.

I hesitate for a second and then decide that I should at least attempt to get to the bridge. I start toward the ladder at the other end of engineering.

“Trip…” I begin but am interrupted by a curse from the engineering station. I look up at him.

“The coils are not responding to the commands to purge…. I need to get down there.” He is climbing down the ladder. He glances around at everyone frantically working.

“Let’s go.” I say quickly. I know he needs help with this and I didn’t grow up a warp engineer’s son without knowing something about engineering.

He beats me to the door, swings the handle and we are inside. The plasma coils are set off in a compartment behind a bulkhead door. This provides some protection to the main engineering section if the plasma would leak. I head for the panel to the plasma coils; Trip is on the board inside the door. I pry off the panel and pull down the levels to reveal the purge valves.

“The blue levers, correct?” I call out to him. I am very sure I am right but I am not taking any chances at this point.

“Yes, but give me a sec here.” his fingers are flying on the panel. “Ok, purge em.”

I pull the three levers simultaneously and look at Trip. His face indicates that it is working.

The door opens again and Lieutenant Hess slips in quickly.

“Sorry, Sir.” she says to Trip as he turns to her. “My com is out.”

She continues, “The antimatter containment field is stable now; we can go to warp as soon as the plasma coils are purged.”

She glances at the board and sees that this is just about done. She quickly turns and starts toward the hatch.

Just then the ship shutters violently and in horror, I hear debris hitting the hull. One of the sections of the bulkhead has collapsed and has trapped Hess under it. Trip acts quickly and pries the piece off her. He throws her arm around his neck and half drags; half carries her out of the door. There are crewman running and grabbing fire extinguishers for the small fires that I can see through the door. The whole area is filling with smoke. I head for the door; I need to get to the communications panel.

Just as I reach the door, the ship jumps again and I am thrown back, almost to where I started. I get up, mentally taking note of injuries. I seem to be okay. I don’t get more than two steps before something slams into the bulkhead beside me. Before I can react, I am struck by white-hot agony in my right chest. The pain drives me to my knees. I hear a hissing coming from above me, and vaguely I realize there is a hull breach. I have to get out of here. I stumble over debris and fall again. My chest feels like it has a hot poker in it and I am starting to have trouble taking in a breath. I try to move but I feel like I am walking through water. Concentrating on the door, I will myself to move towards it. Just then it opens wider and Trip dashes in. He glances up and sees the breach.

“Cap’n, we need to get out of here.”

His tone is urgent. His face flickers with concern and fear as he realizes that I have been injured.

I try to respond to him but the words aren’t coming out. God, my chest hurts so badly and I need air! Why can’t I breathe? I try to walk forward but my knees buckle again. Before I can fall, Trip has thrown my arm around his neck and he supports almost my full weight. I try to walk but nothing is working. He ends up dragging me to the door. Just as we get to the door, the breach becomes wider and the vacuum of space threatens to suck us outside the ship. Vaguely I am aware that Trip has one arm around my chest and one arm hooked around the door to keep us from getting sucked out. I try to help but my body isn’t listening and my world is getting gray. I gasp again, trying to get air into my lungs.

From a distance, I hear Trip yell to someone. “Pull!!” His other arm tights around my chest and a few seconds later, we are outside the airlock and a crewman has sealed it. The pain flares into white hot again as we hit the floor. I moan. I have never felt this much pain. Trip sits up but keeps his arms around me, murmuring reassurances.

I hear a crewman speaking. “Sir, the Captain, is he………”

“ Get a medical team in here, immediately!” he yells at the crewman. He sounds a little panicked. The crewman disappears.

“Hang in there, Cap’n, the doc is coming.”

I try to reassure Trip that I am ok but my mouth seems to be full of a thick liquid and I find it isn’t any easier to breath out here. I cough and the fluid flies out of my mouth. I note hazily that it looks like blood.

I hear Trip’s sharp intake of breath. “Oh dear god!”

I don’t have any strength left and I lean my head up against his chest. He feels safe and I feels like I belong right here. His arms tighten around me and his face is against the side of my head.

“Jon.” he whispers. “Oh god, Jon, don’t leave me. I need you!”

As the world fades completely, I feel something wet on the side of my face.

***

Beeping…..soft murmurs of voices…..bright lights………then pain all intrude on the darkness. I am confused. Where am I? Why does my chest hurt? Suddenly I remember…Enterprise is in danger. I open my eyes and attempt to sit up. If two pairs of hands hadn’t been on my shoulders to stop my progress then the pain that knives through my chest would have. I lie back down and look up into the face of Dr. Phlox.

“Ahh, Captain,” he says with that smile of his. “Welcome back!”

“Enterprise?” I croak.

“Everything is fine, Cap’n.” Trip smiles down at me from the other side of the bed. “We went to warp after that last shock that caused the hull breach. We have been making repairs for the last two days and things are pretty much back to normal.”

“Two days?” I look at Phlox questioningly.

“There was a metal rod that went through your chest, Captain. It caused bleeding into the chest cavity and also broke some ribs. I took the precaution of keeping you sedated pretty heavily so that you could get a good start on healing before you started moving around too much. Sub Commander T’Pol and Commander Tucker have done an excellent job in your absence.”

“What happened?” I turn my head and look at Trip.

“One of the binary stars that we were near exploded. T’Pol says she has never heard of a star exploding without some kind of warning. The first shockwave knocked out the warp field and we took a lot of damage but managed to keep impulse power. Once we had purged the plasma coils, we got warp drive back for just long enough to get us clear of the debris and shock waves. Enterprise is fine, Cap’n, and only some minor injuries to the crew. There were some minor hull breaches and then the larger one in the plasma coil compartment but those are repaired now. Warp engines are back online. We are back on course at Warp Two until you give us further orders.” Trip stops talking as the doctor returns.

I hear the hissing of a hypospray. I don’t fight it; the pain is back with a vengeance. Knowing that Enterprise is ok, I am content to let the sedative do its work.

My head is still fuzzy and I am getting tired again. A memory returns. Trip pulled me out of the plasma coil compartment. I turn to him and try to tell him that I remember but the sedative is working and I can’t form the words. I just look at him. He meets my gaze and smiles again. It is a reassuring smile and I relax.

“S’ok, Cap’n.” he takes my hand. “Sleep now, we’ll talk later.”

****************

Waking this time is easier. I am not as confused about my surroundings and the pain is much improved. I move gingerly on the bed but there is only a slight discomfort instead of the full fire of the pain. I open my eyes slowly and see Dr. Phlox at the other side of the sick bay probably feeding one of his creatures. I hear a soft sound to my left, turning my head I see Trip sitting in a chair beside my bed and he is sleeping. He looks so peaceful and young when he sleeps. I just spend a moment or two just watching him sleep. It pleases me that he is here. Phlox notices that I am awake and walks toward me smiling. I glance at Trip and put my finger to my lips. “Shhh.” I whisper. “How long has he been here?”

“He usually comes in after his shift and spends the night in that chair,” he informs me in a low voice.

I nod, but am quite surprised at this. “How long have I been sleeping this time?”

“About 18 hours. How are you feeling?” He picks up his scanner and runs it over my chest and head. He nods seemingly pleased with the results and puts the scanner on the table.

“I feel much better.” I state and sit up carefully. “Can I get out of here now?”

He looks at me doubtfully for a minute then slowly nods.

“Well I don’t see why not as long as you don’t go on duty for a couple more days and report to me twice a day.”

I am disappointed that he will not let me return to duty but the thought of getting back to my quarters and Porthos is so appealing that I try not let it get me down.

“I’ll make sure he gets there safely, Doc.” Trip is awake and smiling at me.

“Very well, Commander. Off you go.” Phlox starts to turn away and then turns back to me and says. “Oh and Captain, if you start feeling any pain or have trouble breathing I want you to call me immediately.”

“Oh you can be sure of that, Doc.” Trip answers for me.

I turn and glare at Trip. I certainly wasn’t infirm enough that I couldn’t answer for myself.

“I’ll call if I need anything,” I promise Phlox as I slowly get off the biobed. I feel a little shaky for a minute but that clears pretty quickly and I head for the door with Trip at my elbow.

“Stop acting like a mother hen. I’m fine,” I chide him as we walk into the corridor.

“Well you sure weren’t fine a couple of days ago. I thought we had lost you.” He starts out teasing but his tone changes. “You weren’t even breathing when the doc finally arrived.”

He looks at me with a look I have never seen before. It takes my breath away. I return his gaze for a long moment. What I long to do right now is just put my arms around him and hold on.

I don’t though; I just put my hand on his upper arm and squeeze it.

“Thanks, Trip. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have gotten out of there to even be treated by Phlox. I owe you my life.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and says with a shadow of a grin, “Nothin’ that you wouldn’t or haven’t done for me.”

We are nearing my quarters and I am feeling a little shaky even though the walk was a short one. I put my hand on the bulkhead to support myself a little.

“Lean on me, Cap’n.” Trip put his arm around my waist. I put my arm around his shoulder and we finish the walk to my quarters.

Porthos is ecstatic to see me and jumps up on me to get my attention. Trip picks him up and holds him while I walk over and sit on my bunk. As soon as Trip releases him, he is all over me, licking and whining. I laugh and hug him. I am as happy to see him as he is to see me. I don’t even mind the discomfort when he bumps into my chest.

“Ok, boy, go to your bunk.” Obediently he goes to his bed but never takes his eyes off me.

“So, back on duty, I see,” I remark casually after I get settled on the bed. Actually it feels good to be lying down again.

“Yeah, Phlox figured he had to release me to duty since I was working anyway,” he grins, like he has gotten away with something.

“Have you changed your mind about resigning from Starfleet?” I try to sound casual but my heart is in my throat.

“I think so.” He says in a low tone and moves to sit on the bunk beside me. “I realized that everything that I care about is right here on Enterprise, so I really have nowhere else to go. And there is nowhere that I want to go.”

“Good.” I said. “This is where you belong…. this is where we belong.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute and I find myself watching the pulse in his neck. I find my hand reaching to touch it but catch myself in time and drop my hand.

“After the Cogenitor died I wasn’t sure that you still wanted me here. You shut me out.” His eyes were pleading for reassurance.

“I was pretty angry, I won’t deny that. I still feel like you made a big mistake. My mistake was closing myself off from you. But there was never a moment that I didn’t think you belonged here or that I didn’t want you here.”

He grins a little. “So you don’t mind watching to make sure that I won’t get into any more trouble.”

I laugh, “Well, it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.”

I sit up with a little difficulty so I am looking directly into his eyes. He doesn’t back away or break the eye contact. I reach over and put my hand over his. A spark flares and rips through my body and my soul. I am almost sure that he feels it too. I find myself caressing the back of his hand with my thumb. He inhales sharply and the blue in his eyes deepens.

“I remember,” I say carefully, “right before I passed out, you were holding me in your arms. I remember feeling that if I had to die, this was the place that I wanted to be, with your arms around me and your head next to mine.”

I pause for a shaky breath; I have no idea why I am telling him this. Things have changed so much in the last couple of days. It just doesn’t seem worth hiding anymore no matter what the consequences are. “That is the safest that I have ever felt.”

He turns his hand over until we are holding hands. “I thought I had lost you, Jon. I didn’t know how I was going to make it without you. I realized then that there was so much that I hadn’t told you.”

The contact with just our hands is having a very unsettling effect on me. I can feel the warmth of his skin. His thumb is now taking its turn caressing the back of my hand and shock waves are going through my body. I have never felt so much with just one little touch.

Shaking myself mentally, I try to focus on what he is saying. The touch of his hand, the depth of those eyes is just too distracting.

He notices my distraction and grins. “Jonathan Archer, I’ve been trying to get you to notice me for 9 years.”

I try to speak but my mouth is so dry. I lick my lips and stammer. “Wha…we have always been just friends. You have had plenty of romances.”

“You ever wonder why those romances never lasted very long? I was always too distracted by you to make them last.” He takes my other hand in his.

“I stayed close to you as a friend because that was all I could have. Then when the Cogenitor died, I thought I had lost even that. I was afraid that I had lost you completely.”

I stare at him in wonder. Could this possibly be happening or am I still under the influence of some of Dr. Phlox’s pain medications? It seems real.

“I never realized how much I would miss you until you weren’t there,” I confess. “And it wasn’t until then that I actually really admitted to myself how my feelings for you have changed in the last year or so."

Shaking my head in confusion, I am still trying to take all this in. After all we have been through, here I am alone with him and he is saying all the things that I have wanted to hear. “How is this possible? You are...?”

“,,,in love with you, Jon,” he finishes the thought for me.

Sensing that I am tiring, he drops my hand and reaches around behind me to straighten up my pillows so that I can lean back. I close my eyes as my senses are assaulted by his closeness, the warmth of him near me, and the smell of him as his golden head is close to my shoulder.

I open my eyes when I feel his hands on my shoulders, gently pushing me back on the pillows. His eyes are full of concern.

“Are you ok?” he asks.

“Overwhelmed, I think,” I manage.

I don’t want him to move; he has kept his hands gently on my shoulders, his face close to mine.

“I am sorry for our misunderstandings and although I can’t say we won’t have misunderstandings again, I promise you that I will never give up on us. I promise you the best that I am. And I will always be there for you, no matter what. I do love you, Trip Tucker!” I say with wonder. “I love you with all my soul.”

I put my hand on his neck and draw him closer, just before I close my eyes I see many more promises in those blue eyes. Our lips touch, I feel the light and the heat of an exploding star and my universe is born.

End

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Two folks have made comments

Awww. That was wonderful Nodakgirl.

Nice to see things from Archer's point of view! And congrats on tackling something so complicated in a first fic!