***

2157

The sun blazed down on the guests on that *very* hot and sticky day. The locals, their light summer clothing suited to the enervating humidity, drew envious glances from the uniformed Starfleet guests. Malcolm was wilting, but Hoshi kept him plied with liquids and stories of how Brazil was much worse. Archer, in his best uniform, looked happy but nervous as he greeted their guests. Trip, in his own Starfleet dress blues, put out his hand and rested it on Archer's and the nervousness vanished.

Travis: How does he do that?

Hoshi: Do what?

Travis: Did you see how the Captain changed, right there, when Trip came over?

Hoshi: Commander Tucker has a gift.

Malcolm: All the Tuckers do. Have you ever seen a family so welcoming?

The guests began to seat themselves, so Malcolm moved off to join Trip and Archer in a patch of shade to go over the details of the ceremony and ease his own nerves.

Malcolm: Wouldn't mind getting into that pond your cousin told me about. Peel off this straitjacket and hop in for a little skinny-dipping.

Archer and Trip glanced at each other and Archer suppressed a widening smile, not well at all. Trip smiled with angelic innocence, looking anywhere but at Malcolm. He knew how to read them both well enough and began to stammer.

Reed: I'm sor...Sir, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

Trip: Malcolm, you're our best man. As long as you don't have pictures, we're fine.

This remark had the opposite of its intended calming effect. Malcolm's heat-flushed face didn't give any sign that he was now distinctly embarrassed.

(...)

***

2154

Hoshi: Is it just me, or have the Captain and Commander Tucker not spoken to each other in weeks?

Travis: They haven't. I can hear the Captain muttering behind me, and it creeps me out.

Hoshi: Tegl told me to "watch them closely."

Travis: Why?

Hoshi: I don't know. I'm sure he knew they're in love. But beyond that, what am I supposed to see?

Travis: You know about that?

Hoshi: Well, doesn't everyone at least suspect?

***

2154

Archer buried his face deeper into the pillow. His shoulders, at first almost near his ears, moved lower with each breath. The pain receded as sleep came closer. He saw Trip in the hall, passing him with a brief "Sir," his eyes averted. With that image, a cold hollowness returned and sleep evaporated. He turned his head slowly toward the far wall and opened an eye. On the shelves sat his collection of useless things - a photo from Earth, the Cochrane statue, a waterpolo trophy he'd kept all these years.

Archer: No, Trip, you aren't on the shelf. You aren't something I kept around to look at.

He sat up in bed. Porthos didn't move. On one wall was a framed black and white photo of two men and one large fish. The man on the left was grinning from ear to ear - it was Archer's first fish caught, ever. The other man looked confident, and proud. The bright sun drew a line down the slope of his nose. His arm held Archer tightly. The ache inside intensified.

He went over his time with Trip, again and again, until the clock showed almost 3 a.m. Things refused to make sense. He thought of Trip's head resting on his chest, long ago, before the realization of his father's dream changed their world. Before he told Trip he couldn't rest his head there.

(( What did Tegl want me to do? ... Whatever it was, nothing's working. Trip won't even talk to me now. Not one word. ))

His jaw clenched as he hammered at himself with the bitterest words he could think of.

Archer: Subcommander T'Pol.

No response.

Archer: Bridge, where is T'Pol?

Ensign Elser: Subcommander T'Pol is in the mess hall, Captain.

Archer: At this hour? ... At least she's awake.

***

2154

As Archer entered the mess hall, Reed was leaving. The lieutenant stopped abruptly and blushed.
Reed: Captain. You're up late.

Archer: So are you, Malcolm. At a table, he could see T'Pol, with a glass of Vulcan tea. Another glass stood across from it, half-empty.

Archer gave his tactical officer a curious glance. Reed seemed to be waiting for permission to leave.

Archer: Malcolm, if I interrupted something...

Reed: We were discussing you, sir.

He swallowed visibly.

Reed: You and Commander Tucker.

Archer: And?

Reed: We're concerned.

Archer: Did T'Pol tell you about us?
Reed: No sir. Trip did.

Archer: What are you concerned about?

Reed looked desperately over his shoulder at T'Pol. She waited a few seconds and then stood.

T'Pol: Captain, will you join us?

Archer: I think I'd better.

(...)

***

2156

First Councilor: It's been almost a year. Why are we still dealing with this question?

Second Councilor: There is new data.

First Councilor: There cannot be new data - we have all the reports. You presented the interrogation transcript and his full confession to all crimes. The damage has been contained. Be seated.

Second Councilor: We have never been sure of the extent of this contamination. You should reconsider your role on this council if you find so little to worry about.

First Councilor: Mind your words, Councilor. You have nothing to add. We can safely use the data we have. It will not compromise our work. There are many other promising systems that we can research.

Assistant: Sir, we are ready to present the new data.

Second Councilor: Watch.

He switched on the projector before the Council could object. On the screen was a Tabran in a ceremonial robe of heavy red cloth. He raised a small device and placed it just above Tegl's right ear. The assembled councilors recoiled in utter horror, some covering their faces.

Fourth Councilor: TURN IT OFF! How dare you present such a thing to this-

Second Councilor: Leave it on!

The room had become chaotic. One councilor became sick, others were trying to block the sight and sound simultaneously. Even the Second Councilor had to avert his eyes. The figure had been strapped down and shorn of all hair. But the voice, however horrific, was clearly Tegl's.

Tegl: NO!! NO!!!!!!! Trip, you have to find it!

As the Isolation proceeded, the Council collapsed visibly under the pressure. Finally the Second Councilor shut off the recording. There was a barely audible sound in the room -- ragged breathing, disjointed words, then silence, for a moment. Out of this, the Council erupted in outrage.

First Councilor: You will be removed from this Council for bringing that...abomination to us. How could you-

Third Councilor: You MONSTER! It is forbidden to possess those recordings, even for Council members! I will not allow-

Second Councilor: Didn't you hear his words, you fools? "Trip, you have to find it." Tegl left something behind. Our removal team was not as skilled as you claimed. He has revealed us. I am certain of it. How unfortunate that you two were his champions for membership in this Council.

***

2154

(...)

T'Pol: Do you remember our conversation in the exercise room six weeks ago?

Archer: Yes.

T'Pol: I take it you have not been successful.

Archer: Is it that obvious?
Reed: The crew is, well, they've always had a sense that you and Commander Tucker were the closest of friends.

T'Pol: They notice the change.

Archer: This is a private matter.

Reed: On a ship...

He began with anger in his voice, then stopped himself.

Archer: If you have something to say, Malcolm, you'd better say it.

Reed: On a ship of this size, with the missions we take on...after what happened in the Expanse...we need to know-

Archer: It's not your concern.

T'Pol: As your first officer, I am forced to point out that you are ignoring your crew. You may ignore my advice. You often do. That does not make it wrong.

Reed: Trip isn't himself. I haven't heard an exasperated "Malcolm!" from him in a long while.

Archer: That was a terrible impression of him.

Reed: I miss that, sir.

A smile flickered across Archer's face, but died, replaced quickly by worry.

Archer: Thank you, both of you.

***

2154

Archer: Trip?

Trip was awake at the first sound, but ignoring it as best he could. Archer was about to buzz again, then knocked instead.

Archer: Trip, it's me. Open up.

Trip: (( What does he want at 3:00 a.m.? ))

Archer: Commander Tucker.

That made it official. Trip opened the door.

Trip: Sir?

Archer: May I come in?

Trip: It's the middle of the night, sir.

Archer: Please.

Trip made a vague gesture of "Come in", which might have been "Can I stop you?" then turned around sleepily and sat down on the edge of his bed. Archer stood awkwardly.

Trip: Is this important?

Archer: Yes. It is.

Trip: Let me guess.

Archer: I know things are-

Trip: All shot to hell? Yeah, you're right.

Archer waited.

Trip: Your strong silent act got pretty old when we were fighting to save Earth.

Archer: I know, T'Pol and Malcolm were just telling me.

Trip: And before that? And since then? Do you think it's been better? Your damn self-control... - T'Pol has more emotion than you do.

Archer: Maybe we should do this when we're not so-

Trip: You lied to me. You thought you knew yourself. Well you didn't. You think you can do it all alone, and then give me a glance or a touch when you need to recharge. I am not going to live that life.

Archer: I know we've wasted a lot of time.

Trip stood up, his face close to Archer's.

Trip: Yes! We have! Four years and it's cost us even the little happiness we had.

Archer: I know what to do.

Trip: I don't think you do. I think you're still as lost as ever.

Archer: Tegl asked me if-

Trip: Tegl!

Archer ignored him and continued.

Archer: Tegl asked me if I would act.

Trip: He asked me the same thing.

Archer: I told him it was my choice.

Trip: I said it was our choice.

Archer: I meant that. You know I did.

It was going very badly, far worse than he'd imagined it would.

Archer: I want to make you a promise.

Trip: A promise?

The word was nearly a sob.

Trip: What's that worth?

He put both hands on Archer's chest and pushed. Archer stumbled back against the desk and Trip kept pushing. He grabbed Trip's hands and tried to pull Trip closer, to hold him, to make him believe. Trip fought to get free, yanking his hands out of Archer's grip. As he lost hold of Trip, Archer's left hand slammed back against his own face, sending shooting pain through his jaw.

A weight fell from him, the load he'd been gathering over the past six months, and with it some of the burden he'd kept to himself since the first attack. As this fell away, older burdens began to slip away with it - his decision to put Trip aside, his parents' deaths. As his head cleared, he saw Trip's misery. He thought he'd understood about their compromises, but there it was, in front of him, unbearable pain, fully revealed. On the small bed where he'd slumped, his hand pressed against his eyes to stop the tears, was the one person that mattered in his world.

***

2134

Alone?

                  I spoke twice to the Council. They didn't see the need for a bonded pair to assist when there's already another researcher there.

You agreed to that?

                  I didn't have much choice. You're needed here - the reports from Sorala colony aren't finished yet. I'm not happy about it either, but we'll manage. It can't take more than a month. The Researcher disappeared and they need someone to find him.

We promised each other we'd work on projects as a team. Tegl's more than old enough to take care of himself.

What are you so upset about? The Council didn't select you and I can't demand a partner.

Curse this day. And you.

***

2154

With one last effort, Trip looked up at Archer.

Trip: When are you finally gonna realize that you can do two things at once? The ship, the mission, they aren't incompatible with loving me.

His voice showed all the desperation in him.

(...)

Trip: How much more does this have to cost us, Jon?

The knife went in. Trip had spoken his name for the first time in years. He'd never used it, not once in all their arguments. Archer tried to fight back, as if there were no pain.

Archer: I can do it.

Trip slumped further down, beaten.

Trip: I don't need promises.

Archer leaned against the desk, breathing hard, suddenly exuberant. He had to make Trip believe this, because he did. He'd never felt so incredibly well and yet so cut to pieces at the same time. The 602, the apartment, the pond, every moment he reached for, he found Trip there. Every minute of the mission, even in his isolation, he had seen Trip close by, watching him. (( I can do this! ))

Archer: Trip, I can do it! I'm not promising - I know I can.

On the desk, a small roll of paper had worked its way loose from the shadows under the shelf and was rocking back and forth.